last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
