Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
