A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
