I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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