How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
