I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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