My first STD was from a foam party
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I intend to get homeless drunk
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
