My sheets look like a crime scene.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
