i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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