as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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