Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
