Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Randomize
