He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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