my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
