I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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