that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
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