it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
