I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
