the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
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It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I am never drinking with the goths again.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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