Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
