11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
How does it feel to date your dad?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
