he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
two words...techno handjob
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
