i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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