There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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