Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
She needs sedatives and a leash
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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