Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
