what if every blade of grass was a penis?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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