my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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