Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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