K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Randomize
