But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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