Someone shit on the floor
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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