when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
where am i from again
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
