just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
