We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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