So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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