I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
