I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
