I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
