Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
