Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Mom said you looked used
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
