Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
