marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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