If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
