I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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