they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
