He uses pillows to masturbate.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
