just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
