You're a womanizer and a bitch.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
