I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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