I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
