Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
