If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
