you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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