Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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