Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
