Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
