1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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