i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
bring money and cleavage
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
