So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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